Loneliness At Home

If you are feeling lonely living alone in your home, then think of it as a temporary condition that you can change.  I've lived alone now for over ten years but loneliness still hits me once in a while. 

 

That knawing emptyish feeling always makes me stop to figure out what in the heck is wrong here.  It often takes some introspection to figure it out as I am normally a woman happy to live alone.

 

So I suggest that you start by being aware of your feelings. 

   

Loneliness is such a vague subject, hard to define and harder still to understand in oneself. Psychologists say that it is the kind of aloneness that hurts, that makes one crave others' company. 

 

It's a self perception of isolation, of feeling a lack of connection to other people.  And this can easily happen living by oneself.  Awareness of how you feel is the key to making the changes needed to be happier.

 

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Robert B. Parker, author of the Spenser books and the Jesse Stone TV movies starring Tom Selleck, has Stone say in one episode that he does not mind being alone at home, but he does mind being alone in the world.

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So if you are feeling somewhat alone and slightly depressed too much of the time and want to understand yourself then you might read some books on living alone versus loneliness like The Art Of Living Alone And Loving It: Your Inspirational Toolkit For A Whole And Happy Life by Jane Matthews. 

 

(And no, I found this book after starting my blog.  Good find, right?)

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You can also avoid feeling alone in the world by making an effort to connect with other people regularly. Conversations at work, phone call to a friend, or dinner out with people whose company you like. 

 

Or actually entertaining in your home, even if it is your personal oasis of peace and privacy.  Sharing your sanctuary once in a while will remind you that your normal aloneness is not the same as loneliness.  

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This conscious effort on your part to socialize can enhance your alone time at home.  Making your quiet solo evenings even more pleasurable with the balance of solitude.  

 

Over the years my three sisters have balanced my alone life with an annual Woman's Weekend, a slumber party complete with war stories and lots of wine.  Thelma, Arlene and Marlene, good company.  (Yes, twins.)  

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A solo life at home can also offer unlimited opportunities to indulge in whatever interests you, be it painting, photography, ceramics or just having time to relax, read, to meditate, to explore your unexplored spirituality perhaps.

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And there are many who find that kind of solitude a necessity.  When alone they can be completely themselves in a way that they cannot be in others' company.  Solitude restores them.  I am one of them.

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People who need solitude to balance their time with others never feel that they are alone in the world. And they relish their solo times, especially if living all alone without another presence invading their private sanctuary.

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If you chose to live like this then you might be one of these aloners, too.  And your fleeting feelings of loneliness will be short and not leave any lasting effects.  So, don't give them worry space in your mind.

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Bella DePaulo, PhD., a writer and lecturer whose book, Alone: The Badass Psychology Of People Who Like Being Alone, covers the subject of being, versus feeling, alone in life. 

 

She says that loneliness is a state of mind, an attitude toward one's life.

 

If this is truly an attitude of our own making, then loneliness, in most people, is just a temporary condition that can be changed. 

 

If one wishes.  Living alone or not.

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